Cher - If I Could Turn Back Time (1989)

** (of four)

This video has burned out more heterosexual retinas than could ever be measured empirically. Here, Cher's ultimate fantasy is realized - to perform on an aircraft carrier at night, while she's surrounded by dozens of guys fresh out of high school. Cher lip synchs while crouching astride a series of cylindrical heavy-artillery props. All while sporting a fright wig sowed together from the carcasses of seventeen ebony poodles. And while wearing a gauzy black leotard that is completely transparant save a Band-Aid-wide black line running across her nipples and muffin. Which - the muffin - is shaved into the cartoonish shape of Sonny Bono in a drop-top flying into a robust sycamore. I'm telling you, Cher's a sick fucking bitch. Every time she thinks about Sonny's death, she gets off. Hard.