Sunday, February 19, 2006

Madonna - Sorry (2006)

** (of four)

Madonna and a trio of racially diverse friends 26 years her junior - one of them carrying a giant boombox over her shoulder - meet up with a big mama who's driving a big white panel van. Climb in, party amongst the purple neon and spend the next few minutes removing clothing*, driving around town and tossing unsuspecting (but, I'm sure, incredibly grateful) guys into the van with them.

There's room for all, because Madonna's big white panel van has the Snoopy's Doghouse option package. The thought of discriminating on looks is apparently irrelevant - before too long a Napoleon Dynamite clone gets hauled aboard to do his spazz dance and a giant slob in a cabbie hat gets his bare belly tickled by Maddy's girls. Madonna doesn't care about age, either. There's a little kid in the van and a couple guys who were actually born within ten years of her.

Beware the wank-happy subplot involving a trio of male models with shirts pulled back around their necks who want a piece of Madonna and her posse of Gulf War babies. Not in a sexual way, either (trust me); the guys just want to kick the girls' asses in a gender-war dance contest. Which occurs in a steel cage toward the end of the video. Masturbators everywhere will be ecstatic to learn that Madonna can still put her legs behind her head, although this move instantly turns her bones to dust and causes the on-set paramedics to scamble to the scene.

* = Most of the dancers show off midriff and maybe a little more, but Madonna has pooped out enough kids that she's finally crossed over into one-piece territory. Lots of leotards and corsets and silver suit jackets.


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