Mya - Fallen (2004)
** (of four)
How seriously does this Mya song want to be taken? Well, part of the chorus invokes the Medic Alert bracelet catchphrase, "I've fallen and I can't get up." Indeed, not only are hip-hop and R+B producers sampling old song hooks, drumbeats and synth riffs, they've also decided to sample afternoon soap opera ad campaigns from the early 1990s. Whatever works.
"Fallen," a tepid pop song that basically never gets up, also lifts its backing track practically wholesale from the Pharcyde classic "Runnin'." Which drew heavily from the track "Saudade Ven Correndo," as recorded by the Stan Getz Jazz Samba Encore. How's that for pedigree?
I wouldn't give "Fallin'" the time of day if not for the presence of Mya, R+B music's sexiest octaroon in history. I loved her in 1998, when she was a TRL idol, and I love her now, when she can't seem to get the attention of the mainstream audience no matter how many baths she takes on camera. Don't worry, Mya. You still have my support. I'd hate to see you fall on hard times and, say, turn to hardcore pornography to pay the bills. That would just devastate me. And my fully stocked supply of Astroglide.
The plot of this Darren Grant video? Mya is stalking a brotha who doesn't appear to know she's alive. She follows him out of work, stares him down while he's getting the latest issue of the Wall Street Journal from the newstand and races down to the subway when he gets in his car. All the while Mya is singing sensually into the streetposts and subway railings, looking unbelievably hot and comically pathetic at the same time.
Cut to the brotha arriving at home and Mya arriving at home. Whu-whu-what?! They're next-door neighbors! Soon enough she's turning his doorknob, uninvited, and she sneaks upstairs to take that bath I was talking about earlier. That's when the underwater mermaid dance interlude comes into play. I'm not joking.
Mya disappears just as the stalkee arrives upstairs and notices the song's title written in the bathroom mirror fog. Then he gets himself a three-foot long silly straw and sucks down every drop of her bathwater. This bit was also stolen from the Medic Alert bracelet ads of the early '90s. Pity no one can be original anymore.
MORE FROM MYA:
"Movin' On" (1998)
A distraught Mya receives a note ("If Malik's your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night.") and has to excuse herself from class so she can sing mournfully in the hallway.
"My First Night With You" (1999)
Man, could I take this light-skinned beauty home to Mama. I bet even David Duke could convince his mother that Mya just fell asleep on the tanning bed.
"Free (Cocktease Pt. II)" (2000)
Mya even looks sexy as a 1980s roller rink queen, tearing it up on the hardwood and flirting with sexy ol’ Jerome at the snack bar.
"Best of Me" (2000)
I’m sorry; I just masturbated through this entire video. Was I supposed to review it?
How seriously does this Mya song want to be taken? Well, part of the chorus invokes the Medic Alert bracelet catchphrase, "I've fallen and I can't get up." Indeed, not only are hip-hop and R+B producers sampling old song hooks, drumbeats and synth riffs, they've also decided to sample afternoon soap opera ad campaigns from the early 1990s. Whatever works.
"Fallen," a tepid pop song that basically never gets up, also lifts its backing track practically wholesale from the Pharcyde classic "Runnin'." Which drew heavily from the track "Saudade Ven Correndo," as recorded by the Stan Getz Jazz Samba Encore. How's that for pedigree?
I wouldn't give "Fallin'" the time of day if not for the presence of Mya, R+B music's sexiest octaroon in history. I loved her in 1998, when she was a TRL idol, and I love her now, when she can't seem to get the attention of the mainstream audience no matter how many baths she takes on camera. Don't worry, Mya. You still have my support. I'd hate to see you fall on hard times and, say, turn to hardcore pornography to pay the bills. That would just devastate me. And my fully stocked supply of Astroglide.
The plot of this Darren Grant video? Mya is stalking a brotha who doesn't appear to know she's alive. She follows him out of work, stares him down while he's getting the latest issue of the Wall Street Journal from the newstand and races down to the subway when he gets in his car. All the while Mya is singing sensually into the streetposts and subway railings, looking unbelievably hot and comically pathetic at the same time.
Cut to the brotha arriving at home and Mya arriving at home. Whu-whu-what?! They're next-door neighbors! Soon enough she's turning his doorknob, uninvited, and she sneaks upstairs to take that bath I was talking about earlier. That's when the underwater mermaid dance interlude comes into play. I'm not joking.
Mya disappears just as the stalkee arrives upstairs and notices the song's title written in the bathroom mirror fog. Then he gets himself a three-foot long silly straw and sucks down every drop of her bathwater. This bit was also stolen from the Medic Alert bracelet ads of the early '90s. Pity no one can be original anymore.
MORE FROM MYA:
"Movin' On" (1998)
A distraught Mya receives a note ("If Malik's your boyfriend, he wasn’t last night.") and has to excuse herself from class so she can sing mournfully in the hallway.
"My First Night With You" (1999)
Man, could I take this light-skinned beauty home to Mama. I bet even David Duke could convince his mother that Mya just fell asleep on the tanning bed.
"Free (Cocktease Pt. II)" (2000)
Mya even looks sexy as a 1980s roller rink queen, tearing it up on the hardwood and flirting with sexy ol’ Jerome at the snack bar.
"Best of Me" (2000)
I’m sorry; I just masturbated through this entire video. Was I supposed to review it?
posted by daytime at 12:15 AM
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