Juvenile - Slow Motion
** (out of four)
As previously stated, I'm rusty on the Top 40 music scene and have been for some time, but there's no way I could have missed last summer's biggest jam that didn't involve Usher or Lil' Jon. And, really, no way I could have predicted that monstrous a comeback single for the Dirty South genius who gave us the booty-flapping classic "Back That Azz Up." For you ignorant honkies over the age of 29 - the word "Azz" means "Ass." As in posterior. Butt. Flank steak. Don't let the slang fool you; I'm here to help.
There are three stars in this video - the first, of course, is Juvenile, who steps off a bus in an unknown ghetto with his posse and attracts his own Pied Piper-like crowd of neighborhood residents of all ages. The second is Soulja Slim, who is currently resting in peace and has his name on dozens of t-shirts in the video. (I don't know how Soulja Slim met his premature demise. Perhaps he was subjected to that Good Charlotte video and "just wanted to end the pain.") And the third? Asses shaking. Anonymous cheeks, and lots of them.
You've got to wonder what kind of fame these professional hip-hop booty shakers aspire to. Most of the time all you get is a close-up of their asses and never even see the face. ("No, Tyshawn, that's me in the video! Don't you recognize that signature reverse camel-toe in those gold lame floral print stretch pants? I'm goin' places, Tyshawn!")
It honestly makes me wonder if their agents even bother sending music video casting directors the standard head shot. They, the casting directors, probably just rifle through a stack of ass pictures and think, Nope, too flat; nope, too pear-shaped; nope, too much crack; ooh, that one's just right. Get that azz on the phone! That means "ass," honkies.
NOTE: This review written March 8, 2005.
As previously stated, I'm rusty on the Top 40 music scene and have been for some time, but there's no way I could have missed last summer's biggest jam that didn't involve Usher or Lil' Jon. And, really, no way I could have predicted that monstrous a comeback single for the Dirty South genius who gave us the booty-flapping classic "Back That Azz Up." For you ignorant honkies over the age of 29 - the word "Azz" means "Ass." As in posterior. Butt. Flank steak. Don't let the slang fool you; I'm here to help.
There are three stars in this video - the first, of course, is Juvenile, who steps off a bus in an unknown ghetto with his posse and attracts his own Pied Piper-like crowd of neighborhood residents of all ages. The second is Soulja Slim, who is currently resting in peace and has his name on dozens of t-shirts in the video. (I don't know how Soulja Slim met his premature demise. Perhaps he was subjected to that Good Charlotte video and "just wanted to end the pain.") And the third? Asses shaking. Anonymous cheeks, and lots of them.
You've got to wonder what kind of fame these professional hip-hop booty shakers aspire to. Most of the time all you get is a close-up of their asses and never even see the face. ("No, Tyshawn, that's me in the video! Don't you recognize that signature reverse camel-toe in those gold lame floral print stretch pants? I'm goin' places, Tyshawn!")
It honestly makes me wonder if their agents even bother sending music video casting directors the standard head shot. They, the casting directors, probably just rifle through a stack of ass pictures and think, Nope, too flat; nope, too pear-shaped; nope, too much crack; ooh, that one's just right. Get that azz on the phone! That means "ass," honkies.
NOTE: This review written March 8, 2005.
posted by daytime at 7:49 AM
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