Monday, May 22, 2006

Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone - Ridin' (2006)

**1/2 (of four)

Chamillionaire has one ass-dumb song in "Ridin'," but I dare you to listen to it once and not walk around the rest of the day with its chorus on a repeat loop in your head. Having just watched the video, I'm in for about ten more hours of Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty Trynna Catch Me Ridin' Dirty. It's a good thing I'm not in school anymore.

"Ridin'" is about that quintessential element of the black American experience known as Being Pulled Over All The Time For No Goddamn Reason. I live in an area that's low on crime and high on police staff, and it's practically a guarantee that if your skin's darker than Burnt Sienna in the Crayola box, you'll be late to work about twice a week while Officer Scraps from the K-9 unit is sniffing out your car. And Chamillionaire, with his pimped-out ride, tilted baseball cap, black skullcap and dog collar bracelets - not to mention, the chorus of this song is blasting out of his car speakers at full volume ALL THE TIME - makes a sweet target for John Q. Law.

John Q. is played in this video by Deebo, so you know he's a dirty cop. He chases some anonymous posse member on foot, pulls over Chamillionaire and then stakes out his warehouse, which is part chop shop, part pawn shop, part nightclub and part hair salon. All I know is, I've never seen a rap video booty dancer change the oil on a stolen car before. That's got to at least be a misdemeanor. But wait: Chamillionaire sends Deebo packing by presenting a permit for the giant warehouse, which is official headquarters of his Chamillitary. Yes, you heard me right. Chamillitary.

BRANCHES OF THE CHAMILLITARY
Charmy
Chanavy
Chair Force
Charines
Chanational Guard

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