50 Cent - Window Shopper (2005)
The onslaught of soundalike, monotone-flow 50 Cent singles continues, "Window Shopper" being the flagship single from 50's semiautobiographical new movie, Get Rich or Die Tryin'. He raps so wooden, I can't begin to imagine his acting chops, even if he is playing himself.
This video focuses on the first part of the movie's title - the "get rich" part - with 50 Cent and posse on a shopping spree down in the Caribbean. While a mob of fans mills around outside the store window, 50 plops down nine grand for a pair of $85 shoes. It's supposed to be tongue in cheek, you see, but from the lack of expression on 50's face - fresh from a starring role in a widely distributed motion picture - it's rap star business as usual.
There's plenty more in "Window Shopper" intended to tickle the funny bone:
EXAMPLE ONE - 50 negotiates the sale of a hottie's jewelry on the street by tossing a rubber-banded roll of hundreds at her.
EXAMPLE TWO - 50 and a partner who looks astonishingly like Mase* hit an outdoor burger stand and pay $75 for a two-gallon milkshake and $400 for a hamburger. No cheese, though. That costs a hundred bucks extra.
mush-mouthed rap flow from SOMEwhere.
EXAMPLE THREE - Thousands of Americans pay ten bucks for adult tickets to a piss-poor movie by the name of Get Rich or Die Tryin'. Only the third example really makes me bust up laughing.
I searched the Internet just now for further information about 50's movie, and I came across a review of it on the website Christian Spotlight on the Movies. These family-oriented, well-informed reviews tell believers what movies to see and what to avoid.
Here's the opening line from the Get Rich or Die Tryin' review: "If you had asked me who Fifty Cent was before I saw the trailer for Get Rich or Die Tryin', I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. I am not a fan of rap music, nor have I followed the Billboard popular music charts since the early 90s." See, this is the guy you want reviewing your hip-hop movies - I'm glad I have experts to evaluate these movies and influence my decisions.
Surprisingly, though, the R-rated 50 Cent movie is said not to live up to the teachings of Christ: "Christians, there is nothing in this film worth subjecting yourself to. It is, from start to finish, full of bad language, nudity, and violence." I guess hip-hop has changed since the early '90s. Where are M.C. Hammer and P.M. Dawn when we need them?
I'm inspired. I want to start a website called Christian Spotlight On Porn: "I must confess, I'm sort of a newcomer to bukkake films and haven't followed the adult industry since Ron Jeremy was under 200 pounds. But I was utterly surprised by the sheer amount of semen swallowed by the female star of A Rear and Pleasant Danger. Don't any of these supposed role models know consumption of multiple wads is strictly forbidden by Paul's teaching in Hebrews 8?"
NOTE: For more hilarious video commentary, check out the "Window Shopper" review on the Talkin' Videos site.