Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Veronicas - 4ever (2005)

**1/2 (of four)

The only thing worse than one Avril Lavigne is two Avrils. The Veronicas belong to that well-scrubbed pop-punk genre, lighter than The Donnas and catchier than Elastica. These two, neither of whom is actually named Veronica, are twins from Brisbane, Australia, and they're fucking button-cute. So cute they even jump up and down on the bed and have an unironic pillow fight during the video.

I can only describe "4ever" as a guilty pleasure, with its unashamedly singalong chorus and perky dueling guitars. Director Daniel Kern sets most of the video in a hotel room, where the identically dressed, heavily lipsticked 20-year-olds sing and smile at each other and write all over the bathroom mirror. Eventually they get outside and sunbathe, ride around with the top down and suit on an overpass above the highway.

All this is as TRL-friendly as it sounds, but "4ever" somehow refuses to wear out its welcome. And it all brings to mind the lascivious quote from Tony Roberts in Annie Hall, when he's called away to bail out Woody Allen: "Twins, Max. Sixteen year olds. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?"

Madonna - Hung Up (2005)

** (of four)

A few weeks ago, I dozed off during an episode of "In Living Color," and I dreamed that Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriwether were reviewing this video for "Men On Videos." They both snapped, "Hated It!" and Antoine said, "Who wants to see some old heifer showing her flabby ass? Madonna, girl, even Cher knew how to cover it up sometimes." Then I woke up.

Madonna still attempts to retain what little sexiness she has left by wearing a leotard and gyrating around. The "Hung Up" video features all kinds of dancers flitting about the streets of South Central LA, and a restaurant and converge together in some big dance off. It's like a gay version of You Got Served.

The song itself has a retro disco feel to it, and it seems like Madonna just wants to have fun again after the ponderous American Life album. Hated It!

Pretty Ricky - Your Body (2005)

* (of four)

I hhhhate these little dwarf-men, who attempt to croon like Usher but can flow as nastily as 2 Live Crew. These scrawny bastards frolic around Miami Beach with videhoes who would never give them the time of day in real life.

Trina featuring Kelly Rowland - Here We Go (2005)

**1/2 (of four)

Miami's Diamond Princess and Kelly Rowland from Beyonce's Children - oops, I mean Destiny's Child - collaborate on another man-bashing song. Trina is as sexy as ever as she berates her man for doing her wrong. The song I can do without, since it samples one of my favorite slow jams, "Tender Love" by the Force MD's.

But I've been a fan of Trina since her guest appearance on Trick Daddy's "Nann Nigga," where she spat out sexy, vile lyrics such as, "You know nann hoe / That'll make you come like me / Nigga you don't know nann hoe uh-uh / That don' tried all types of shit / Who quick to deep throat the dick / And let another bitch straight lick the clit."

Huh, where was I? Oh yeah, her and Kelly get together and throws the man's shit out of her house. End of story. Leon is bored, but slightly horny.